Humorous Christmas Quotes

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
- George Carlin

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year."
- By Victor Borge

"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."
- Johnny Carson

"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."
- Henny Youngman

"Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time."
- Doug Coupland

"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet."
- Author Unknown

"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven."
- W. C. Fields