Funny Quotes

Quotes

Browse our collection of Funny quotes and sayings. Share Funny quotes with friends and family.

Pages :

4358-funny

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
-Jack Handy

4357-funny

Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.
-Spike Milligan

4356-funny

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
-Groucho Marx

4355-funny

The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
-Kilgore Trout

4354-funny

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
-Steven Wright

4353-funny

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
-Dave Edison

4352-funny

Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong.
-Geoff Arbuthnot

4351-funny

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
-Marty Feldman

4350-funny

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
-Lana Turner

4349-funny

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
-George Carlin

4348-funny

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
-Winston Churchill

4347-funny

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
-Les Dawson

4346-funny

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
-Mark Twain

4345-funny

It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.
-Alfred Adler

4344-funny

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
-John Lehman

4343-funny

A girl phoned me the other day and said - come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
-Anonymous Author

4342-funny

Half of the people in the world are below average.
-Anonymous Author

4341-funny

I can resist everything except temptation.
-Oscar Wilde

Pages :

Web
Analytics Made Easy - StatCounter