Friends Quotes

Joey: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle - aged black woman. And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition.

Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it.

Joey: You can't have Thanksgiving without turkey. That's like Fourth of July without apple pie, or Friday with no two pizzas.

Rachel: You know, Ben, I was your daddy's girlfriend.
Ben: But you're not anymore. Because you were on a break.

Phoebe: There was a crooked man, who had a crooked smile, who lived in a shoe, for a... while...

Joey: It's just my character that's not brain-dead.

Phoebe: Come on Ross, you're a paleontologist, dig a little deeper.

[Ross and Rachel are trying to decide a name for their baby]
Ross: OK, how about Ruth?
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?

[Trying to fix up Monica with a date]
Joey: Aw, c'mon, this guy's perfect for you.
Monica: No, not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet.

Monica: Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours!

Chandler: I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.

Chandler: I can handle this. 'Handle' is my middle name. Actually, 'handle' is the middle of my first name.

Chandler: I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y... I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?

Ross: We were on a break!
Chandler: Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you!

Ross: Chandler Muriel Bing... Your parents never gave you a chance.

Rachel: If she wanted to be more like me, why couldn't she just copy my hairstyle or something?

Rachel: Cool. 'Urkel' in Spanish is 'Urkel'.

Chandler: [Entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo] All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men.

Rachel: Do you know the only person who'd wanna listen to this? A mental health professional. And that's only because they get paid a hundred dollars an hour.

Ross: Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and *won*!
Chandler: Ross came fourth and cried!

[Ross is walking down the aisle at Chandler and Monica's wedding]
Ross: Wow. This is the first time I've walked down the aisle without the possibility of it ending in divorce.

[Ross coming back from bathroom, getting ready to play poker with Rachel]
Ross: Your money is mine, Green.
Rachel: Your fly is open, Geller.

[Ross defends his fast eating habits to Rachel]
I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat.

[Ross is trying to cheer Chandler up who won't get out of his sweatpants]
Ross: C'mon man, just take em off, just take em off and we'll have some fun.

Phoebe: Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him.

Rachel: Wha... married?
Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married!
Rachel: What? Because that's your answer to everything?

Ross: Oh. *Oh*. Thank God, most women don't even feel them.
Rachel: Okay, no uterus, no opinion.

Phoebe: Observe the art of seduction. Watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie..

Monica: You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, 'I'm not fired.' Ha.

[After Chandler kisses Kathy]
Joey: You're so far past the line, you can't even see the line. The line is a dot to you.

[Reading Rachel's romance novel.]
Monica: 'Throbbing pens? Don't wanna be around when he writes with those.

Monica: My motto is get out before they go down.
Joey: That is so not my motto.

Joey Tribbiani: [After smelling potpourri] Well, this is like summer in a bowl!

[Pounding a scone]
Ross: Stupid British snack food.
Chandler: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?

Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: Making chocolate milk. You want some?
Ross: No thanks, I'm 29.

Chandler: Now, remember, Ben, keep your balance.
Ben: Thanks, daddy.
Ross: No, remember, Ben, two mommies, one daddy.

Ross: So, uh, what did the insurance company say?
Chandler: Oh, they said uh, You don't have insurance here so stop calling us.

Chandler: Did you do it on our invitations?
Ross: Not on the ones we sent out.
Chandler: Oh, so it was on the ones, we had framed.

Rachel: ...How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Dr Long: Three.
Ross: Just three? I'm dilated three!

Phoebe: Hey, can we turn on the TV? I think it's raining outside.

[On living alone]
Joey: I thought it'd be great, you know? have some time alone with my thoughts... turns out, I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think.

Phoebe: I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit.

Chandler: Now, honey, I know you don't like to relinquish control...
Monica: Oh! Relinquish is just a fancy word for 'lose'!

Rachel: I don't want my baby's first words to be How You Doing?

Phoebe: [Right after playing a song in the coffee shop ] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.