Humorous Christmas Quotes

"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven."
- W. C. Fields

"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet."
- Author Unknown

"Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time."
- Doug Coupland

"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."
- Henny Youngman

"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."
- Johnny Carson

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year."
- By Victor Borge

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
- George Carlin

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."
- Johnny Carson

"There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas."
- Robert Lynd

"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus."
- Bob Phillips

"There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neck ties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them."
- P.J. O'Rourke

"Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it "white".'
- Bing Crosby

"Who's the bane of Santa's life? The elf and safety officer."
- By Catherine Tate

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'
- Dave Barry

"Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money."
- Author Unknown

All the party people
All the fun in your heart
Christmas is about to come
So let us make a welcome start
With all the list prepared
With all the tasks up there
Wishing you a Merry Christmas!

Christmas is just like doing
Work in your office, think about it
You are doing all the work
Day in and day out
And credit is taken by some fat guy around
As Santa takes the credit of Christmas fun
Haha..Wish you a Merry Christmas!

I do not actually ask things from Santa
Just the random things he may give
But this year I am asking for a slimmer me
And a bank account to compliment me
Last year it happened just the opposite
And there was nothing I could do about
Merry Christmas to you!